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About Phobias

Fears-Phobias

​The word anxiety comes from the Latin word anxius, meaning a condition of agitation and distress. The term has been in use since the 1500’s.

Anxiety is not fear, or common every day momentary apprehension, which has an external focus such as being fired, being rejected, failing at something, or being stalked. Rather, anxiety is more intense, does not pass quickly, can persist for a considerable time and can lead to phobias that organize your behavior in self-limiting ways.

The center’s findings suggest it is desirable to identify youngsters who are beginning to have the problem and help them deal with their symptoms while they are in their early teens, rather than later in life, when the problem can become debilitating. A Social Phobia is a common anxiety disorder that centers around a fear of being embarrassed or humiliated in social, professional or performance situations where you are (or feel) vulnerable to the negative judgments of others. The most common social phobia is the fear of public speaking, which the fearful speaker seeks to avoid at all costs. While most people have experienced the “butterflies”, increased perspiration and trembling hands or legs, these same symptoms hijack and overwhelm the fearful speaker and consume him with dread and an intense desire to escape. (See Fear of Public Speaking). Treatment can often resolve this fear fairly quickly.

Other social phobias, all of which are treatable and resolvable, include fear of being watched at work, fear of writing or signing documents in front of others, blushing or eating in public or any social or group situation where one may be watched or judged and hence humiliated.

In contrast, a person with a Specific Phobia has a significant fear of a particular object or situation. When confronted with the prospect of facing the feared situation or object, the phobic person may respond with mild anxiety or panic. However, there is no fear of panic attacks as in agoraphobia, or of embarrassment as in a social phobia, but only of the feared situation itself, which s/he believes is a dangerous one. The fear and avoidance are strong enough to intrude upon and constrict his or her normal routines, (depending on the focus of the phobia) impact work and relationships and are quite disturbing to the phobic person. (See Fear of Flying.)

Common specific phobias include animal phobias, acrophobia (fear of heights), elevator, airplane, doctor or dentist phobias and countless others. These specific phobias occur in men and women equally. Animal phobias tend to be more common in women while illness phobias are more common in men. There are many treatments for specific phobias, depending on the phobia and its development, and usually include hypnosis, real-life exposure utilizing EFT and other forms of desensitization.

Agoraphobia refers to a fear of open spaces (literally fear of the marketplace). A fear of panic attacks is the hallmark of this fairly common phobia coupled with a fear of being alone, and leads to avoidance of places associated with the initial and subsequent panic attacks. The agoraphobic greatly fears loss of control and thus embarrassing themselves in public. Without treatment their lives can become more and more restricted in their quest to feel safe and in control.

In Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) a deeply anxious feeling prevails in response to a vague or unspecified danger and can result in a chronic state of tension which can affect major systems of the body. GAD is not usually accompanied by panic attacks, phobias or obsessions. A person with GAD worries to excess about a range of fears including being rejected, failing, losing control or disease, death or dying. I have found EFT and hypnosis to be particularly helpful with GAD.

Perhaps the most extreme manifestation of anxiety is the panic attack, a sudden surge of intense fear or apprehension, or an overwhelming sense of impending doom. Although the onset of the initial and sometimes subsequent episodes of a panic attack seem to come out of the blue, they often follow a prolonged period of intense stress and can include a range of symptoms including heart palpitations, sweating, nausea,, shortness of breath and many more. (See Held in the Grip of Panic.)

Anxiety that affects your entire being. On a physiological level, it may include reactions such as a rapid heartbeat, sweating, muscle tension or dry mouth. On a behavioral level, it can undermine your ability to act, express yourself or deal with certain everyday situations. And on a psychological level, anxiety is a subjective state of apprehension and uneasiness. In its most extreme form, it can cause you to feel detached from yourself and be fearful of dying or going crazy (See Held in the Grip of Panic).

Because Anxiety is so pervasive and potent on all these levels, freedom from an anxiety disorder is accomplished by addressing the need to reduce physiological activity, eliminate avoidance behavior and change catastrophic visualizations, interpretations and beliefs that perpetuate a state of apprehension and worry. Energy techniques can also aid in more rapid resolution of these reactions. (see EFT) along with a range of other techniques.

Changing Lifestyle Coaching

Changing Lifestyles

A significant lifestyle change may be perceived as exhilarating or debilitating, eagerly embraced or deeply resented and resisted. It may come as a welcome overseas posting or as an unwelcome upheaval from family, friends and professional supports to a country on the Travel Advisory list.

A radical career change, a midlife crisis, a medical diagnosis, becoming a step-parent, leaving your partner, post-divorce dilemmas, or simply being ready to take your destiny into your own hands, all pose challenges and opportunities to redesign a life that will be enjoyable, deeply satisfying, and fully in line with your needs and values. Changing Lifestyles coaching is squarely aimed at the self-empowerment taking charge of your life can engender. Its focus is on assisting you to discover how to use the changing circumstances of your life for your own growth and self-enhancement. To define and redesign the kind of life and lifestyle that would give you maximum zest, enthusiasm, and the freedom to pursue what is important to you. In other words, to thrive, “to rise to the occasion of your life circumstances and utilize them to create a more authentic and meaningful life” (Paul Pearsall)

Changing Lifestyles coaching is squarely aimed at the self-empowerment taking charge of your life can engender. Its focus is on assisting you to discover how to use the changing circumstances of your life for your own growth and self-enhancement. To define and redesign the kind of life and lifestyle that would give you maximum zest, enthusiasm, and the freedom to pursue what is important to you. In other words, to thrive, “to rise to the occasion of your life circumstances and utilize them to create a more authentic and meaningful life” (Paul Pearsall)

A personal coach partners with you to sharpen awareness of what is essential for you to thrive, and to take focused and effective action along these lines. Within a context of respect, support, structure and stimulating inquiry you are encouraged to explore and define your needs, fears, concerns, and meet your challenges with unique, solution-based strategies that strengthen you, and create momentum toward sculpting the life of your choice.

Coaching happens when you are oriented around achieving a lifestyle change, personally and/or professionally, that may seem out of your reach, that moves you to the next level of your existing capacity, your existing skills, knowledge or comfort zone. To do that you might need to shift your thinking, expand your expectations, or evolve yourself in order to create what you really desire. A coach acts as your thinking partner and facilitator in this endeavor, planning s t r e t c h goals collaboratively, to enable you to move along the path you choose, to create a richer, more fulfilling present and future.

Whatever the catalyst that provokes you to embrace potent and positive change in your life and lifestyle, partnering with a coach will harness your energies toward creating that which constitutes a zestful life for you, filled with more freedom, choice, order, comfort, time, satisfying relationships, and fun. What would upgrading your life look like?

How is Coaching Different from Good Therapy?

People usually seek therapy to resolve a difficult situation, overcome a fear or addiction, change a self-devaluing behavior, troubled relationship, or overcome a personal or professional obstacle. When the problem is resolved, or the specified therapeutic goals realized, the therapy is considered complete. Coaching, on the other hand, is not problem focused. Nothing has to be ‘wrong’ for coaching to be initiated. Both my therapy and coaching build on your strengths, and tend to be action and present to future-oriented, with coaching being somewhat more action-oriented, providing a context in which to imagine and then to manifest your more fulfilling life, however you define it. In coaching, life is a verb.

Coaching sessions are typically conducted on the phone three times a month for 40-50 minutes, further supported by email and brief phone calls as necessary.

In-person sessions are also available.
Call for a 20 minute complimentary session.

Contact Dr. Melanie Bryan

Are you a workaholic or a hard worker?

Workaholism

Are you so involved with work that other important behaviors and activities, both personal and interpersonal, are excluded or minimized most of the time?

Is your work the all-encompassing preoccupation in your life? If work is controlling you to the point of self and other defeating extremes, you are a work addict or workaholic.

And like people suffering from other socially accepted addictions, you reinforce your compulsive behavior daily. You may be promoted for your efforts, but there are costs.For example, one study ascertained that 74% of workaholic partners were likely to have affairs, while 48% of workaholics were less likely to have affairs than non-workaholics. The apparent reason why the workaholic has fewer affairs is, predictably, lack of time. However the deeper reason is a wish to avoid the increased demands that an affair would entail. And since the workaholic is minimally intimate with his or her partner, it is understandable that spouses of workaholics would go outside the relationship to find intimacy.

Workaholics have tremendous difficulty expressing their feelings and are given to conflict avoidance, sulking and silence rather than confrontation. They tend to be fearful of any closeness that will bring him or her face to face with emotional intensity and possible rejection. When their partner steps up their needs for intimacy, this tends to further reinforce the workaholics commitment to work hard. Not surprisingly, relationships with people in a work environment are much easier for the workaholic to handle.

The workaholic deals with stress in a variety of ways. Alcohol and caffeine are used and abused primarily for utilitarian reasons. The caffeine lifts the individual into the day, because the work schedule and hours required are viewed as highly demanding. And alcohol acts as a decompression chamber, a way to escape the stress, come down and switch out of work mode.

Doing Therapy With the Workaholic / Characteristics of the Syndrome

When doing therapy with the workaholic, the primary goal is not to get the individual to transform the working habits into a more leisurely framework.

Work to the workaholic is the process by which significant meaning in life is realized. The therapist’s role is not to take away that source of meaning, but to focus on helping the workaholic develop an interpersonal world in which they can experience themselves more fully and relate to others in a more natural and spontaneous manner. Discovering they can be liked and cared for being themselves can result in the workaholic feeling significant and being appreciated in his or her life.

An additional goal of therapy is to assist the workaholic to surrender the addiction, and replace it with the pleasure and significance that work can provide. For the workaholic who has been successfully involved in therapy, work often becomes an arena where spontaneous and creative self-expression can be experienced.

Therapy for the workaholic does not remove work as the source of security in life. Instead, therapy tries to bring meaningful, significant and genuine relationships into the world of the workaholic. Thus, the value of work to this individual is altered; it is no longer the structuring life force, but rather becomes one of many avenues for an individual to enjoy and find meaning in life.

General Characteristics of the Workaholic Syndrome:
There is an over-involvement in the area of preoccupation (work);
The workaholic has the illusion that he or she is indispensable;
The workaholic tends to be viewed in the family as a self-sufficient, highly responsible and highly resourceful individual.

These characteristics receive a great deal of reinforcement throughout childhood.The workaholic tends to hit the floor running. He or she starts the day from the moment the alarm clock sounds, wasting no time easing into the day. Time is planned so that every minute is controlled and scheduled. Emergencies and sudden changes in the schedule are disruptive and not easily handled. The workaholic constantly weighs the effectiveness of daily activities and often keeps a productivity scoreboard. He or she has tremendous difficulty with unfinished business or tasks. If it is necessary to leave work without completing something or at least having it under control, the addict carries the unfinished work home, continues the work on his PC, and frets about it until the task is completed or can be resumed. This often means that social or family activity and sleep are disrupted.The workaholic arrives at work earlier than most people and stays later. Lunch is often eaten quickly, or skipped altogether. If lunch is eaten, it is usually functional and structured around business. This individual is restless and feels as if time is being wasted if he or she does not rush from place to place. They are often (secretly) judgmental of others who do not fit this mold. The workaholic has great difficulty planning, preparing and taking holidays, and when they are taken, they are often cut short. Away from the office, he or she may call the office daily, and for many, at least two calls a day are deemed necessary.The workaholic has little time in his or her schedule for socializing. If it is not work-related, socializing is viewed as a waste of time, especially if it is arranged with people who do not value time as highly as the workaholic.

At the root of this addicts extraordinary work ethic are feelings of inferiority and a fear of failure and of rejection, which fuels his avoidance of close and intimate relationships. A drive for external approval often masks a lack of belief in self-worth and self-acceptance. The tremendous difficulty these individuals have of letting go of routine, out of office hours, is that a sense of extreme emptiness surfaces whenever he or she is confronted by unstructured time.

Earlier in life, a workaholic child’s efforts at limit setting and saying ”no” usually caused intense negative parental reactions and were squashed. Hence learning to set limits helps the workaholic to establish workable psychic space between what he or she ought to do, wants to do, can do and will do.

Therapy can definitely help the workaholic to create more freedom of choice in his or her life.